Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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