you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
