I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
