u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
