you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
