Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
