Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize