You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
