A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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