Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
