i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
