Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You had me at "let me see your balls"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
