Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
