I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
