I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
