I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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