capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he puts the penis in happiness.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
