Yo dont text me then not text me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
