I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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