Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
