i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
