when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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