Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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