he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
