Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
