Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
