Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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