great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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