I have demons in me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
