Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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