Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
