I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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