I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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