So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize