I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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