I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
