I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Come see our sink grown plant.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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