I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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