We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
