Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
