We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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