shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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