i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
