I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
