i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
