I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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