And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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