Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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