just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
