Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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