I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
