I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Randomize
