I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
