Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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