We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
