Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
