Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
