it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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