Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
