u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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