you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The air was thick with penises
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
