Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
True college students do jello shots in the library
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
