We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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