Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
