its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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