That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
