I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
