I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
