Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
