Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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