this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
