she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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