Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
