I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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