My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
