I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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