it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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