you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
