Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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