I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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