I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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