My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
