The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
