His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
God, I missed his penis.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
