On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
A bitchslap is in order.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
