Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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