listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
