I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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