I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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