ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
