I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
