so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
