FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
