I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
