he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
