I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize