you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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