Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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