Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
