I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
