i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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