Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he had hair everywhere except his balls
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
