You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
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