im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
