Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
