Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
