your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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