He kissed a someone with a penis
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
40s are totally the cure
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
