he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
