Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
