yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You can't motorboat a personality
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
