Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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