So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
