i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
