you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
