that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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