what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and she was petting her beer can
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
this hospital has no fireball
Randomize
