I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i've created a new STD.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize