True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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