made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
