I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
